Day 20 Post-Yeet

 Warning: This post is intended ONLY for persons of legal age. It contains explicit descriptions of sex-related bodily functions. Mom, Dad, minors, or anyone who doesn't want to read a quite detailed account should skip this entry.

I had my first follow-up appointment with the doctor/surgeon on Monday (day 17). There was no physical exam, just discussion about how I'm feeling, if I'm having any symptoms, and what the surgery itself looked like. We had a discussion about how smoothly the surgery went: there was very little bleeding, everything was as it was expected to be, and not to toot his own horn, but it was a more ideal surgery than some of the ones that are recorded for educational purposes. We talked about the dysmorphia issues I'm having with the scars, and he told me that over the next 6 months, the ridged, sinewy nature of the scars should drastically diminish. I was cleared to go back to the gym next week, provided I start slow, using no more than 10lb weights for the first week. The last question I asked was, "Can I start having sex again?" And that poor doctor had to say that I need to wait another 3 weeks before having vaginal sex.

Some surgical information: the type of hysterectomy I had removed the uterus, the fallopian tubes, and the cervix. For a variety of reasons, you don't want to leave the top of the vagina just...like...open. So once the offending organs are removed, the top of the vagina (which used to be attached to the cervix) is sewn together (like an old-timey coin purse) into a structure called a "vaginal cuff". I got to see a picture of this as taken by a teeeeeeeeny tiny camera from inside my abdomen. It's pretty cool; from what I can tell, it's about an inch and a half long, and was held together by 6-8 dissolvable stitches. By now, it's very likely that those stitches have completely dissolved, and the site is superficially healed. It is vital that the vaginal cuff maintain its integrity. Damaging the stitching line before it is fully healed can lead to a whole host of problems. Infection, hemorrhage, prolapse, and evisceration are all possible impacts of damaging that stitching. 

I about cried when he said 3 more weeks. It's already been 3 weeks since the last time I had sex (because timing and scheduling and sleep deprivation were not on our side). He did say that at this point, oral and anal are back on the table, if I'm into that. And like, yeah, sure, I am, but as I told him, it's not good enough. While I am one of the 20% of women who can orgasm from anal, and I have a partner who can get me to orgasm from oral about 75% of the time, it's just not the same. The most impressive orgasms always come from "p in v" sex for me.

But a less effective orgasm is better than no orgasm, right? And a fair amount of the pleasure of it comes from the physical intimacy of sex (of any kind) with a partner. Now, I'm not going to detail the toys we used, or the positions we contorted ourselves into, or anything like that, but there is a reason I wanted to get into the more graphic bits.

If you remember, I said earlier that my organs shifted a bit. I wasn't entirely sure how or where to, but I very quickly discovered that:

• without a uterus or cervix in the way, anal sex puts pressure (or vibration, depending) directly on the vaginal cuff
• the vaginal cuff is EXTREMELY sensitive
• it is now possible for me to have a vaginal orgasm by having anal sex.

When I say I had an absurd number of orgasms, I mean truly absurd. I mean I stopped counting at 8, then continued to have orgasm after orgasm. At one point, they all blended together, and it felt like I had a single, continuous, 5-minute long orgasm. I'm sure that's not actually what happened, because I'm pretty sure humans can't sustain that, but it sure as shit felt like it. Ultimately, I wound up having to tap out because I was on the verge of collapse. I'm sure the neighbors were grateful. 

Tuesday night was a repeat. We weren't going to, but uh...yeah, self-control is not something that either of us posses an awful lot of. Of course, that meant that we were tired when Wednesday morning rolled around, but what can you do? 

Yesterday, I went into the office for the first time since surgery. I considered wearing real pants, but I ran into an odd problem: the dress pants that definitely fit weren't clean, and the dress pants that were clean were too tight in the calves and thighs, but too loose in the waist. So I gave in and put on a pair of (opaque) black leggings and a very long sweater. Now, this was the most comfortable outfit I could possibly come up with, especially since they weren't work pants, and therefore weren't stiff. I had brought my electric heating pad because my back was sore (gee, I wonder why...), and by the end of my lunch hour, I needed the heating pad on my stomach. The incisions on the right side were sore, pulling and cramping. And despite doing no more work than I usually do, I was absolutely knackered by 3pm. To say it was unpleasant is an understatement.

I did end up taking a bath at the end of the night in an attempt to unwind and maybe work out some of the discomfort, but that didn't work out too well. The bath bomb was unexpectedly unpleasant smelling, so it was decidedly not relaxing, and unfortunately it didn't do an awful lot to resolve the discomfort. 

I'm sure there's more I could add, but I really don't feel like it, so I won't.