Day 2 Post-Yeet

 Ow.

Ouchity fuck ow.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk specifics, shall we? First off, I'm extremely glad my partner and I have been going to a personal trainer, and that she has done so much core work with us. I've been using a LOT of core muscles lately. Also, warning, it's about to get graphic up in this bitch.

I said yesterday that peeing is weird. This is still the case. Quick & dirty anatomy lesson: bladder, colon, uterus, and vagina are all held in place by the pelvic floor muscles. It's common for the muscles responsible for emptying the bladder to be temporarily cranky after a hysterectomy. It's less intense with the type of hysterectomy I had (transvaginal robotic-assisted [meaning they used a robot to cut the cervix and uterus into small pieces and pull it out through the vagina] with salpingectomy [removal of fallopian tubes]), but is still an issue. It's almost like I pee in stages. There's your typical sit-down-and-pee, but it's like my bladder only empties halfway. I then have two choices: push (which feels like a TERRIBLE idea, given that the top of my vaginal canal is no longer anchored to...well, much of anything. I don't know if my doctor stitched the vaginal cuff [the point where the cervix used to be that's now stitched together like an old-timey coin purse] to anything, or if we're relying exclusively on me being young and having a healthy pelvic floor) or just...wait. Thus far, I've almost exclusively waited. I partially empty my bladder, relax, do a few Kegels, then after about a minute, finish peeing. Again, based on the reading I've done, this is perfectly normal and should stop being an issue within a week or two. Just takes a little while for the muscles to stop being in "OMGWTF" mode.

I have not pooped yet. This is not even remotely surprising, for a number of reasons. For starters, I had SUPER fucked up my eating habits before the wedding (completely accidental - I was terrified of not being able to fit into the dress, so I was trying to eat only healthy foods, and then I got crazy busy and kept forgetting to eat) and still hadn't gotten back to eating like a normal person before surgery. Then, there's the whole no-eating-after-midnight-before-surgery thing (I stopped eating nearly 12 hours before surgery just because that's how it worked out) combined with having pooped the morning of surgery before leaving the house. Then let's add in that on Yeeterus day, I ate a grand total of one spoonful of "chicken broth" and 4 saltines because the nausea from the anaesthesia and pain meds made eating not a real thing. I was able to eat yesterday, at least. I had one (exceptionally awful) pancake in the hospital, then came home and ate half of a KFC pot pie (do NOT judge, those things are bomb as fuck) for lunch, half of a New York Steamer sub (from Firehouse Subs) for dinner, and a small dark chocolate ice cream with cherry pie filling and graham crackers (from Coldstone) for dessert. I'm still not eating nearly as much (or as often) as I did pre-wedding fuckery, but I'm working on it, However, the lack of food makes for a distinct lack of need to poop. And the final reason is that even if I did have to poop, the meds that you're given for surgery typically cause some serious constipation. Again, not really concerned, because I'll have had plenty of time to get that squared by the time I've eaten enough.

Now let's talk pain. Yesterday SUCKED. Like, a lot. It was like a constant period cramp (albeit a fairly minor one) in the void that used to house my uterus. That honestly wasn't so bad. Mostly just really annoying. It's the everything else that was brutal. I had pain radiating all the way from my vagina all the way up into my ribcage. My neck hurt like I had a nasty case of whiplash, and my middle and lower back were no better, likely because sitting and/or standing completely straight is fairly impossible at the moment. There are 4 incision sites: one on the left side and slightly below the belly button, the belly button itself, and two to the right of the belly button (one in line and one slightly lower). And they're tiny. Less than an inch across each, held together with dissolvable stitches and Dermabond. At the beginning of the day yesterday, they didn't hurt at all unless pressure was applied (which it is, any time I need to cough, bend at the waist, climb stairs, or just generally jostle in the middle). Unfortunately, as the day went on, they got more and more tender. (I'll ask my doctor about this at our appointment on the 6th, but I imagine this has something to do with the nerve block that was used during surgery. I have no clue how long that's supposed to last, and what nerves it's supposed to block in the first place, but it would certainly make sense.) As a Very Much So Not Thin Person, I have some bulk below the waistline, and there is an amount of pulling on the incisions. Not enough to cause damage to them, I don't think, but enough to be able to feel it. This combined with the After-Surgery Cough makes for a lot of ouch. There was a lot of me manually holding my stomach in place. This will continue for at least a few days. I was intubated, as is common practice for major surgeries, so my throat is very scratchy and sore. As a result, there's also a not-insignificant amount of mucus. This is also an expected phenomenon. 

Now that I have them, I've been taking my prescribed painkillers pretty much as soon as I can. Getting into bed last night was dicks. That pain radiating up into my ribcage made it difficult to get into a comfortable position. I'm a side sleeper. I cannot sleep on my back. Positioning myself with a leg draped over a body pillow that was also tucked halfway under my belly to try to keep everything in place was pretty awful. There was a small amount of crying. Please note that I'm pretty good about pain. I've worked through dislocated joints, danced on severely damaged ankle/knee/hips, and more than once had doctors ask how I was still walking, nevermind doing the other things I was doing at the time. I sprained my frickin chest back in January, and it took me almost a month to see a doctor about it. When he offered to prescribe heavy duty painkillers, I turned them down and continued on with my naproxen. (I had really only gone to the doctor to make sure I wasn't having any heart problems. It wasn't painful enough to need Rx meds, but, y'know, chest pain for the better part of a month...probably worth seeing someone about, right?) But even with a higher pain tolerance, and some pretty fucking hardcore meds, I began to rethink my planning. (I probably should have waited until I lost a bit more weight, had less of a belly, etc.) At one point, I even said that the way my ribs hurt, I wouldn't be surprised to find out they had to perform CPR on me at some point. (They didn't. Or at least, they didn't tell me. But I imagine that's something that they would tell, and probably also something that would prevent me from going home a mere 24 hours post-surgery.)

Today the pain is less severe. It's still there. My neck, back, and ribs in particular have eased up significantly. I did need help getting out of bed (which is fucking embarrassing, really) and I did immediately take the narcotic (I fucking hate narcotics, but you do what you gotta do sometimes), but even before getting the meds onboard, I was feeling less like I'd been hit by a semi. The fleshy bits are definitely more painful today, but there's no sign of infection at the incision sites. They're not any warmer than the rest of my torso, there's no real swelling, and there's no redness or other discoloration. They're just sore. The discharge paperwork did recommend wearing a waist trainer or similar clothing item as support, so I busted out an old shapewear tank top, and that's doing a fair amount of work. Compression is apparently my friend. Talking with my parents, the neck/back thing is something that gave them problems, too, when they've had surgery. My mom thinks it has to do with tensing up whether we realize it or not. Dad didn't comment on the why of it. I think Mom could be right, but it could also have something to do with the way the surgical team transfers an unconscious chub like myself from gurney to gurney. Regardless, it is starting to go away, which is a huge relief.

Circling back to something I said earlier: I have been doing Kegels pretty much non-stop. I know I have a healthy pelvic floor, but everything is swollen, and I want to make sure everything stays in place. There has been absolute minimal bleeding, which is awesome. I obviously can't have any kind of penetrative sex (gods that's just an awful phrase) for at least 4 weeks, probably more like 6, but I want everything to be in absolute tip-top shape when I do get the green light. Because I'm going to want to give this sucker a test drive pretty much immediately. Is it going to feel different? Are certain spots going to have migrated because there's no uterus to hold it up? Is it possible to get effectively turned inside out? (Spoiler: yes, medically that is possible, and it's called a prolapse. It's not extremely common, but it's also not uncommon, and Kegels can help prevent it.) They're also just good for the health of your entire pelvic region, so everyone, particularly people with vaginas, do your fucking Kegels.

Ok, that's all I've got for the moment. Stay tuned for more updates.